I think this song's just beautiful. .
.That I would be good. .
That I would be good even if I did nothing That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down That I would be good if I got and stayed sick That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds .
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth That I would be great if I was no longer queen That I would be grand if I was not all knowing .
That I would be loved even when I numb myself That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed That I would be loved even when I was fuming That I would be good even if I was clingy .
That I would be good even if I lost sanity That I would be good Whether with or without you
.my poem.
Every now and then, I will lie on this certain spot on the cold marble floor facing the balcony, imagining and pretending to be all arty-farty. I have always wondered how poets managed to compose great poems about the seemingly most ordinary and mundane things in life. From the falling leaves of the Autumn trees to the piece of rock lying in the middle of a children's playground; everything was Art to them, everything had a beautiful story.
Impressed as I was, I often tried to copy them. I would lie on my cold marble floor and crack my brains in a desperate attempt to come up with some neat-sounding poem about the half-naked old man that stays on the 9th floor of the block across the street or about the disgusting yelping sounds of children playing around in my condo pool. During every "poem-making session", I would frenziedly search the back of my mind for the literary devices that my lit teachers in secondary school tried to drill into all of us - I still remember the famous Orsino quote that displayed the use of metaphors and imagery (Is imagery a literary device? I can't remember) in Twelfth Night: "If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die."
This quote was possibly the only quote I was able to remember even for my O levels. I think that while the real arty-farty people were truely appreciating the language of Shakespeare, I had much difficulty understanding the Shakepeare language and dramatic techniques, often ending up bitching and groaning about the text.
Perhaps it was because of the discouraging encounters I had with literature back in secondary school, or perhaps it was just plain stupidity and insanity, I now feel this need to inspire and find this arty-farty side of myself. So today, as I lament over the cold marble floor, deep in thought, this was what I came up with so far:
"Creepy, old, disgusting leech.
Childish, demented, insane kids.
Go eat some shit."
Note: "leech" rhymes with "kids" and "shit"
.shut up.
Just shut up.
Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
.wedding dinners. 070707.
Interesting fact 1: 7th July 2007, 777 couples in Singapore are getting married.
So today I attended my grandfather's cousin's daughter's daughter wedding (don't ask me how I got myself invited) at some 2/3 star hotel restaurant. I know I shouldn't be complaining about the dinner but I'm sure anyone who has ever attended a 6 star hotel wedding dinner will know the HUGE disparity in the food and service. AND most importantly, the toilet.
I'm sure anyone who ever had a proper bowl of shark's fin soup before would know the absolute necessity for the soup to have a well balanced mix of starch. Too much starch would cause the soup to be all goo-ey and thick. Too little starch would make the soup seem too "watery". I don't know if you know what I'm trying to say but my brain seems to be working very slowly tonight and I cannot think of a more apt description for the soup. Basically, the soup tonight was like a pile of goo. You know how goo works don't you? Trying to scoop a spoonful of the goo was terribly difficult; everytime I tried to scoop a spoonful of soup up, it seems to slip back out of the spoon in a desperate attempt to join back the rest of its pile in the soup bowl. I must say that ever since the news report came out about how sharks were maliciously dumped back into the ocean and left to die after their fins were being chopped off, I have been anticipating a proper excuse to indulge in that delicacy without seeming like heartless freak. And today, after hoping and anticipating the whole night for the shark's fin soup, I have to say that I was horribly disappointed.
I shall not comment further about the service and the toilet because I would like to blog about the weird conversation my relatives had before I turn in for the night but you get the picture about the rest of the wedding dinner. It basically just wasn't up to expectations.
Except for this 31 year old cousin of mine, everyone else I was sitting with for the night were either 50-60 year old aunties or uncles. This conversation took place by accident actually, my aunt was trying to tell this staunch christian couple at the table not to preach to them about christianity; especially not during wedding dinners because it spoils the whole mood of merrymaking when she accidentally let slip that she finds that they have been hopelessly blinded- "zou3 huo2ru4 mo2"- by their religion. It's amazing how this seemingly rather harmless sentence (I think) can set the whole table up into this heated debate on who's "God" is real. So while my uncles and aunties were busy arguing about how the universe came about and since God created universe, who created God (I know I know, I rolled my eyes too), my 31 year old cousin and I continued eating and eating and EATING.
Interesting fact 2: Do not ever get 50 to 60-years-old old ladies and gentlemen started about religion, they will give you one HELL of a time.
From the 5th dish till the 9th dish and till we part, my aunties and uncles never took a break. It really is quite perplexing and bewildering how people at 50-60 year olds still managed to cultivate such a good stamina. They went on and on about how their respective Gods and beliefs; I remembered how the parting topic revolved around the question of whether one's conscience came from the brain or the heart. As crazy as it may sound, (I mean who in the world argues about something as intangible as one's conscience) that was all it took to get my relatives stuck in a rather irate and insipid discussion.
Alright, I'm really sorry grandgather's cousin's daughter's daughter for this rather foul entry about the wedding but I'm still a little pissed at my mum for dragging me down to attend this dinner with her. My dad's not in town so I had to be the representative of my family. :( I know I sound like a hopelessly spoilt and childish kid but that's exactly how I felt like the entire night- whiny and temperamental.
But still, my grandfather's cousin's daughter's daughter, I want to wish that the both of you will have a sensational and brilliantly happy marriage together! Love's good and healthy and I'm glad you managed to find a partner who seems to be hopelessly in love with you. :)
I hate weddings.
.more.
So I was watching Grey's Anatomy season 3 till 6 am in the morning and I suddenly realised at that ungodly hour what the hell is wrong with me. Why I always seem so unsatisfied and depressed with my life. Why I keep talking about migrating and about change. It's mainly because I find everything around me too ordinary. Too mundane. Too dull. I keep wishing for all those amazing unrealistic things that only happen in the tv world to happen to me. I have this insane tendency of wishing for more more and More. And very often, after all those desperate dreaming and wishing and hoping, I end up wallowing a little in self pity. It's stupid I know, and maybe even pathetic, but I find this unhealthy indulgence somewhat beautiful, though in a very twisted way. Okay, I don't think you will understand what I'm trying to say but It's alright. I'm ranting a little. Anyways, do listen to "breathe" by Anna Nalick if you have never listened to it before. It's a very beautiful song.
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