are we thewaiting

Sunday, August 29, 2004

.my room.

listening to music has been my form of escapism. escaping from this competitive and sickening place. and all those superficial things that everyone cares about but i dont give a damn.

sometimes when i watch shows like "true courage", i start thinking of how fortunate i am. but other times, i think im better off dead.

.in my room. on my bed. with the fan on and the radio blasting. im feeling satisfied.

jerrie kicks;; 10:57 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004

.a really short one.

oh man. it has been an awfully long time since i last blogged. many things have happened and i don't really know where to start. shall just give an overview of what happened. basically, there was the sec four farewell party that took place last sunday at her house. nothing much i want to say. things just happened, i thought it got slightly out of hand, she cried. but all's well that ends well.
Feng is nice. She can be unreasonable at times. Feng is warm. She is cold. there are many bad points of her that i can think of. however, as i sit here, in front of the computer screen. wondering why do i still miss her, i thought of the answer. she was special. she was different. that was what made her stand out more than the other passer-bys of my life. and also, because she made us have only fifteen min of free spike. unlike Feng.

i miss her a little. ok, perhaps not a little. a little bit more. oh damn it, i miss her a whole damn lot.

jerrie kicks;; 10:44 PM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

.miserable. falling apart. the damn reality of life.

i know it has been awhile since i last blogged. it had been an extremely hectic week. the teachers were really pushing it. tests one after the other. assignments that we owe are all to be handed in as the CA marks are supposed to be recorded soon. to make things worst, volleyball trainings were not exactly very nice either. it had been a bad bad week, but to put it simply, today was the worst.

things started off on a terrible note today. was lectured by lily chua and embarrassed in front of the whole LT by rashida. to top things off, training today was hell. words said today had been like a million daggers penetrating through one's sould. several people could not take it anymore and broke down. to make things worse, Feng had to aggravate the situation by saying mean stuff that she should not have said.

im feeling terribly miserable. my parents are of no help. oh. i forgot. they helped. they helped make things worse.
i miss her more than anything today. i am someone who hates changes. i hate to start all over again. i guess we dont appreciate those around us until they have left our lives and all you can do is regret and live with memories of that someone, be it good or bad. she is a passer-by in my life that left a very deep impression on me.
was rather disheartened and disillusioned after everything that happened. it set me thinking of many things. the damn reality of life. life is cruel. living is hard. dying seems simple. but it is terribly stupid too. sigh.

everyone is falling apart. and i wonder when it would be my turn.

jerrie kicks;; 10:54 PM