it is not easy to be me...
am feeling rather down at the moment.. will add a short entry though. so here goes...
today was simply horrendous. shanni was picking on me more than usual today. it just kinda suck when teachers keep picking on you. all i am feeling right now.. is how much teachers are a pain in the ass.
anyway, today was prize presentaion at toa payoh sports complex. we arrived just in time to catch the A div boys finals. it was an extremely tough fight between the two schools and my goodness... balls were flying all over the court! NYJC won in the end though.
i guess the best part of today had to be the time when we received our trophies. the estacy was indescribable as we received the trophies over from the presenter. however, i felt that something was missing somewhere. it was as though i did not exactly deserve the trophies. perhaps as i did not get to play often during the whole tournament thing, i did not totally feel that i had earned the trophy.. that somehow the trophy was here because of the hardwork of my other teammates and not mine. i really hope that next year.. i will have a trophy that truely truely belongs to me.
was lying on the bed just now.. thinking of a lot of things. was feeling rather depress. i thought of how people used to say how god was unfair to them as even though i do not really study a lot, i still manage to pass my tests and sometimes, even get higher than them. i just wanna tell them that it is so so not easy to be me.. to live my life. you may think that you understand my life but you are soooo wrong.
this is for you sophia...
its been a rather ordinary day for me. i have slowly started to get use to the usual tests and the continuous naggings and harpings from the teachers that seem to cannot get enough of me. i wonder if it is because of my name or my appearance that the teachers seem to notice me so much... nevermind.. i shall think about this on another day. perhaps i shall change my name to some.. schizotomic... so teachers will have a hard time trying to pronounce my name and thus, call me less often. pooh!
anyway, today after school.. i went to catch the volleyball finals at toa payoh. it was an extremely close and exciting match but jurong sec won in the end. was rather disappointed as i was hoping that presby would win but.. yeah.. i guess you can never always be winners. you got some wins and loses and i guess this is all part of sporstmanship. to live and let live. success and failures.. it is all part of growing up. it is hard to get over a down point in life but this is why friends are here to help you through these depressing periods of life. friends are the ones that really make a difference in this sometimes ugly world.
oh yah.. this post is dedicated to sophia. i know that she has been feeling depressed over her studies.. all her tests and volleyball.. but i just want to let her know that she is NOT alone. a lot of us are having trouble coping with studies and training too and sometimes.. when our results are not what we hope them to be.. we get disappointed and upset. however, it is no use mulling over the past.. get up and move on. try harder for the next test. she should know that she has the support of her friends. though i do not really say it out loud.. but sophia.. you have us.. or at least me.. behind you! dont give up.. hang in there! :)
touched.. i truely am
today is the last match of the whole nationals. we won. thought that i would be over the moon as the whole tournament is finally over and that we had achieved the impossible by getting third but i realised that it is not really so. i cant help feeling rather loss after the whole game. excited and exhilarated that we won but... lost. i have become very accustomed to having the seniors training with us.. correcting us.. just being together. i dont know about everyone but i thought that because of this tournament.. this whole nationals thing.. it made us (the seniors and the sec threes) inevitably bond closer together. it will be very wierd not having the seniors around.. as they have slowly become part of our "volleyball trainings" if you know what i mean.
today, almost all my seniors cried. and when we made dorothy, our coach, stand in the center of the circle we formed around her and told her that we love her and hugged her, she cried. rather badly. despite her strong appearance, her crying today made me realised that she is as just vulnerable as many of us. because of some conflict that i had with her, i grew to hate her or rather, dislike her. but after seeing her cry today because of us, i cant help but felt touched. i thought i hated her but i realised that it is not really so. it may just be a momentary feeling, but i gotta admit that she has really contibuted a lot into helping us get to this far. it made me feel that she really cared. that volleyball, is not only our everything but hers as well. its.. its a really nice feeling. yeah.
depressed:(
today was a terrible day. i ran TERRIBLY for my heats. was rather disappointed. there is chemistry test tomorrow. no mood to study.. feeling rather sucky. shall fail. pooh!
yesterday's training was horrid for me as well. was unable to set properly and i inavoidably caused my other teammates to run alot. it was until then did i realise how stressing being a setter was.. its depressing to make a mistake and another and it is so terribly hard to pick myself up after that. gotta practise more.
have been thinking alot these few days and i thought that i gotta make a blog to store my thoughts before i go insane.
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